It’s no secret that the art that moves us becomes associated with certain periods of our lives: the song that helped you navigate your first breakup, the movie that helped you take those first steps into adulthood, the book that persuaded you to try something new. Video games, however, are unique in that some are designed to be played for years. They can develop alongside you, grow up with you, or be a consistent refuge from the mundane.
I’ve played Final Fantasy XIV for a full decade now, enraptured by its fantastical locations and a story that takes you from green adventurer to universe-saving hero. It’s always been the game I turn to unwind at the end of a long day, and my life has completely changed alongside it. I’ve gone from the early stages of my career and a draughty flat, through a long-term relationship, and now I have a house and child – my character, Cel, was there for the whole journey.
While Cel may have been toppling empires and fighting dragons, I faced my own struggles. On the days where anxiety and the constant threat of redundancy became too much, playing the game for a few hours and working on levelling new jobs would help see me through. However, it became even more invaluable during my maternity leave.
In that first year after my daughter’s birth, I found it very hard to get out of the house and see people: I was either too tired or too busy having to faff around with baby things. I was sad, because I thought I was going to lose my gaming hobby as my free time got eaten up by parenthood. But that’s not what happened at all. Instead, I ended up finding a sense of normality and companionship playing Final Fantasy while my daughter nursed in my lap.
Being a massively multiplayer online game, Final Fantasy XIV is filled with other players going about their business, be that taking on quests or hanging out with friends. Just sitting my character down in a city and watching the hubbub of other people passing by helped me feel connected to a life outside my own without needing to leave the comfort of my sofa. It became a lifeline when my world felt like it was shifting uncontrollably around me – as grounding as a world full of cat ears and outlandish armour can get.
Eventually, when my daughter went to nursery and I found myself a bit unmoored by the sudden loss of our time together, I ended up making a new character based on her to see me through. I made her as a tiny, brave warrior – a class that I’m uncomfortable playing – so that, in a way, we could face new challenges together. It was such a small thing, but playing that character helped me adjust to our new routine.
I’m not the only player whose life has been touched in unexpected ways by Final Fantasy XIV. The community is replete with stories of people who have made long- lasting friends after meeting strangers in a dungeon, and the game became vital for many during the Covid lockdowns.
It’s even helped people quit smoking. I spoke to Fection from California, who used mentor roulette (a system that randomly picks a dungeon full of new players for you to help out) to manage the withdrawal symptoms. “With my personality traits and my history, it was an absolutely perfect mix of everything to be just the distraction I needed,” he told me. “It played into my desire to work towards a goal (2,000 roulettes for the achievement), which was measurable and trackable and offered a sense of progression. It was comfortable. It wasn’t too exciting or too boring. Familiar but not too familiar. It allowed me to reclaim some of my gamer identity while eschewing my smoker identity.”
For Rozabel in Germany, starting a new character in the game helped her find a fresh start after a breakup and a move to a new city. She had originally played the game with her then boyfriend, but ended up quitting after they broke up. “He doesn’t even remember that he pretty much stood me up on our (in-game) wedding day,” she told me. “I carried around so much pain from what I perceived to be our game that I hesitated, but eventually made a new character on a different server where my friends were now.
“I picked a new city state and class based on where I had moved – it was my way of detaching from that other character. I feel so much more emotionally attached to my character now than I ever did the old one. Other people have multiple characters or change what they look like all the time on a whim, but for me, that’s impossible. I am her, and she is me, and I hope we have some more great years ahead of us.”
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I have a few more greys now than when I first started playing Final Fantasy XIV, but I still see myself playing for another decade to come. It’s not the constant updates and adventures that keep me coming back – it’s the connections I’ve made while playing it. I’ve made in-game friends, sure, but the brief encounters have affected me, too – moments that may seem insignificant on the surface, like an emote between strangers on a bad day, can change everything underneath.
I once had a player randomly stop in a dungeon, so I waited for her. “Sorry, just had to readjust, nursing my baby,” she told me as she returned. I also had mine on my lap. Those words from a stranger, sitting in front of their keyboard who knows where in the world, made me feel more seen and accepted than anyone else had that day, and they never even knew.
As Final Fantasy XIV grows and changes over time, I too change with it – and seeing that growth is the benefit of sticking with a single game for such a long time.